Religion is Complicated

A week ago my sister was telling me about a friend of hers who I’ve known for over a year.  Said friend is known to be the partying type, always out late, socializing, doing things a 15 year old shouldn’t.  So we were talking about her and then my sister told me that this friend prays everyday and is very religious.

My first reaction was: what? religious? yeah right.

And then I felt really really bad.

Since when did “being religious” become so black and white? Why is it that someone who drinks can’t pray? Why does “becoming religious” mean giving up anything that makes you happy? And I don’t mean getting drunk and having flings.  I mean getting a manicure, wearing something fitted and fabulous, hanging out with guys – why has Islam become this?

I don’t know when I become the kind of person who saw Islam as a black and white package: if you drink, you aren’t Muslim; if you pray, you should be really pious all the time.  Religion is complicated. It’s a personal struggle. It’s making a thousand decisions throughout your lifetime – and it’s not always doing the right thing.

Sometimes we mess up. Does that make us less of a Muslim? Does that mean we’re going to hell? Or will God love us for trying?

Kudos to my sister’s friend.  She’s only 15 but she prays – I should have been amazed, not judgemental. Who am I to say who’s religious and who isn’t?

Islam isn’t halal vs. haram, or a list of things you should or shouldn’t do.

It’s a journey, a package with a million surprises, and most importantly, it’s different for everyone.

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42 thoughts on “Religion is Complicated

  1. I have to admit, when I read the first couple sentences I had the same reaction: what kind of religious person prays and parties? But, as you point out, what kind of 15 year old prays at all? At 15 a person is still discovering themselves… I’m 25 and I still don’t have it figured out! Kudos to your sisters friend, and kudos to you for your amazing attitude!

  2. And then here I am to spoil all the positive comments! (I seem to have a natural talent in that department)

    For the most part, I see religions as nothing more than human inventions. And of course the Japanese comes up with their Toyotas, the Koreans with their Hyundais, and other countries comes up with other brands. But they are essentially still the same—they are still motor vehicles.

    10 people may be very, very good in the Arabic language. But when they read the Quran, all of them may come up with 10 very different interpretations! It is still the same book, but just as the motor vehicles having many different models, many different things may come out from that single book! The classic example of human creativity, you see.

    If I like drinking so much, and I think I can’t possibly live without a drink, then I will somehow interpret the Quran as allowing drinking. If I loved women so much, and I’m having trouble controlling my libido, then I will allow men to have 4 wives. There is nothing mysterious about that at all. Human inventions are after all meant to suit our own purposes. After all, who is to say if my interpretations are wrong?

    And so, in Malaysia, drinking liquor, even beer, is haram, even if it’s just a sip and the drinker is far from drunk! A Muslim caught drinking beer may be liable to a fine or even public caning.

    But perhaps some Islamic scholars, especially those who enjoy drinking liquor, may not see drinking beer as haram, I don’t know.

    • “10 people may be very, very good in the Arabic language. But when they read the Quran, all of them may come up with 10 very different interpretations!”

      Whereas you see that as a negative, I see that as a positive – there is no way one book can only be interpreted one way by billions of people. And that isn’t a bad thing.

      “After all, who is to say if my interpretations are wrong?”

      God. No other human has the right to say your interpretation is wrong, unless it’s a clear contradiction (like saying it is okay to kill). In the end, if you are a believer, you know God will judge all of your actions and intentions.

  3. Assalamualaikum,

    Have we really hit rock bottom?? Yes religion is something we grow into but there are always bounds. I believe in regards to prayer it is something like make your kids pray at age seven and discipline them at age ten if they don’t pray.
    By fifteen you should have prayer down pat! i mean it should become second nature. If it hasn’t by now then something is going very wrong.

    Islam is NOT like every other religion open to varied interpretations. It is a set of rules for all aspects of life. Following it leads to heaven, not following it leads to hell. IT is up to us to find authentic scholars and develop a love for the religion

    • required,

      That sounds like a good plan. So how do you reckon do we identify those authentic scholars?

      “Islam is NOT like every other religion open to varied interpretations.”

      Says who? I’m sorry to tell you that there are many varied interpretations in Islam too, whether you want to accept it or not.

    • I dunno. To me, logically, it doesn’t make sense to FORCE your kids to pray. What’s the point if they don’t have it in their hearts and actually want to? It defeats the purpose. I will never force my girls to pray, but I will strongly encourage it. I am not going to beat them with a stick if they will not perform their prayers.

    • I totally disagree with that. I would never discipline my children for not praying at such a young age. Many of my friends were brought up that way and now pray out of habit/fear, which doesn’t sound good to me.
      If you set a good example, children will choose to follow it, just like many people I know.

      “It is a set of rules for all aspects of life.”

      I think that’s very simplistic and doesn’t do any justice to the complexity and beauty of the religion.

  4. Let me address the varied interpretations remark first…. or restate it.. Islam is not open to individual varied interpretations but is instead based on Ijma’ of islamic scholars.
    There is a hadith about mua’dh ibn jabal where Muhammad saws asked him how he was going to be the ameer. He said he’ll look for guidance in the Qur’an then the sunnah then he’ll do ijtihad keeping the Qur’an and sunnah in front. So here we find the order, First the Quran then the sunnah, but we are incapable of doing ijtihad because we dont have enough knowledge.

    Ijtihad is to be done based on the understanding provided by the Nabi AS. It is stated in the Qur’an: Wa yu’allimuhumul kitaba wal hikmata, wa yuzakkihim….
    Here we find Allah subhanahu Wa taala commanding the prophet AS to teach the companions the Quran and the meanings of the Quran. ( wal hikmata). From this we understand the the sahaba didn’t do qiyas themselves but they did it on the understanding of the Prophet AS.

    As to the schools of thought. All schools of thought agree on what is fard, there is no real conflict there. What they don’t agree on is sunnah. Alhamdulillah All four schools of thought are correct and fall under ahlus sunnah wal jamal. It is up to us to decide which we find more correct, since all schools of thought go back to the sahaba ra and the nabi as. To do this we’d have to then study the 6+ years from any one madhab, because each madhab teaches the arguments of the others too. It is further important to note that the compilers of the hadith books were also taught by the scholars of the four madhabs. Reading any of their biographies will shed light on this.

    Now the question of who is authentic. The scale of measure i use is who follows the sunnah most closely. I do judge a person by how they act and dress…. if i choose to learn from someone he/she had better be emulating the nabi AS. Further more i look for a strong sanad/ a chain of teachers. Something our pious predecessors have done for centuries. i refuse to learn from a self study because the nafs that all of us possess is a very strong and sly thing that leads us astray.

    We make all kinds of arguments to justify our nafs. heaven knows i’ve done it. But what i find disturbing is muslims picking up this concept of gender bias from westerners. Don’t get me wrong, there are muslims who abuse the system and literally enslave the woman. But i find the opposite to be true too. We as women instead of focusing on our family look towards careers and out of house things. It is our duty as women to raise our children on the path of deen, the path that Allah set out for us. There is always hikmat in what He has ordained. Now people call that oppressed or what not, but i find muslim women have failed as mothers of this ummat, because we refuse our roles….

    • “We as women instead of focusing on our family look towards careers and out of house things.”

      Since you are so focused on the sunnah, what about Khadija, a business woman who was richer than her husband, the Prophet?
      What about Aisha, who went into BATTLE?

      I see you doing the same thing you’re accusing others of doing: selectively looking at the sunnah and Qur’an to come to your own conclusion.

  5. required,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Before I proceed any further, let me qualify myself so that there is no misunderstanding here. Although I am officially a Catholic, I have never been a practising one. At best, I have attended several Sunday congregations many years ago, and read a few pages of the Bible, but I don’t consider myself really a Christian.

    The fact that I have commented against Christianity—even to the extent of criticising the religion—is well known to many of my friends. The truth is that I have applied many of the same objections against all religions.

    The thing I have learned about all religions in general, is the lack of tangible evidence—belief in any one of them is strictly on the strength of faith. I know that many religious people would point to the universe, to the stars and planets, to life on earth etc, as the ultimate “evidence” of God’s existence. But although I respect their view, I must beg to differ.

    There are so many things I can’t understand in life, and I must seriously doubt that I can learn everything there is to learn within this lifetime. Maybe some things are just beyond us humans. But I’d like to believe that I still know at least a little bit about good and bad.

    So when a holy book allows, for example, the practice of slavery, I have to trust my own judgement—that there is something seriously wrong with that holy book! After all, the prophet—with due respect to the man—was still flesh and blood. If he had wanted a woman slave, and in fact to have sex with that slave, he could always provide for that in his precious holy book which was supposed to have been divinely inspired. If he had not mentioned that it was divinely inspired, then perhaps some would have gone against his wishes. But the contents of a divinely inspired book shall not be gainsaid!

    Then, of course, we come to the interpretations. And here, we may have many, many versions of them. Some may use the excuse of time element—that that particular provision was only applicable during the time of the prophet, because things were different then, and slavery was the order of the day. The same excuse may also be offered for the prophet marrying a child young enough to be his grand daughter, because back then it was the norm. Or he had to do it for the sake of bringing 2 tribes together, and so on and so forth.

    But my thinking is that God’s law should be for eternity. If something is wrong, then it is wrong regardless of whether it’s the present time or a few thousand years ago. If God says slavery is wrong, then it should be wrong since the prophet’s time too. I am not impressed with how the religious people try to explain something which is obviously wrong. Always the facts have to be twisted to fit the contents of the holy book which are deemed cast in concrete!

    And so, I prefer to look at things realistically. If for example my wife can earn much more than I can, there is no reason why I can’t be the one to look after the children at home, and vice versa. If there is more money to spend, that can do a lot of good for the entire family. I see no logic of forcing my wife to stay at home to look after the kids if she can earn 10 times more than I. There is really not much point for women to accept their “roles as mothers” if the family can’t bring three square meals to the table.

  6. @ cairolusakaamsterdam:
    What about hadrat Khadija RA? She was a business woman who did her business from HOME. She hired managers. I don’t remember ever reading she travelled with her caravan. But more importantly she didn’t neglect her house.

    about Ayesha RA, she isn’t the only sahabiyat to go into Battle. But nowhere in the Quran does it say that the sahaba/ sahabiyat don’t make mistakes. Most mufassireen agree that this was a mistake. Infact when ALi RA realized she was in battle he personally escorted her out and apologized. That being said she also did not neglect her house.

    I am not looking selectively at the sunnah. The problem is you are. I didn’t say a woman can’t have a career, i said a woman needs to focus on her HOUSe first. raise her children right. We aim to give our kids the world but we neglect their aakhirah. They in turn focus towards the world and further neglect the aakhirah till we reach a point where religion becomes as the example you described of the girl being 15 and not praying. Yes it reflects on the parents. And yes the parents will be asked about it.

    @ cornelius:
    You are missing the point of religion. Blind faith. If it wasn’t that then there’d be no need for the trials of this world. we’d all believe because we’d know.Now when faith is established arguments about the aspects of faith come into play. I don’t have any doubt that what the Messenger of Allah said, or did by action is a form of wahi. I have an established faith.

    Gods law is for eternity. Slavery was the norm then but the messenger of Allah made provisions that one day it would be abolished. Freeing a slave held great rewards in the here after. but forget that alot of the penalties for breaking commandments of Allah revolve around freeing a slave or… other options. Allah SWT is the most just. Had He made it a compulsory thing people would not have taken to the faith of islam as strongly as they did. It would be a burden on them and they’d end up sinning more often than not. Also how a slave came to be was through war. It was the order of the day as you put it when two tribes fought that the losing side would then be held as prisoners of war and if their tribes people didn’t buy them out they would be sold into slavery. As of right now for all intents and purposes slavery is non existent in islam today. There is no longer an appropriate way to get slaves.
    MArrying a girl once she hits puberty is nothing new. Girls who live in hot climates tend to hit puberty faster. Its the body’s way of saying hey i’m ready. you go into tribal africa or rural india, to a non muslim society and you’ll still find this practice prevelant. Just because its not justified in your mind doesn’t mean its wrong. And its not a new concept in the west either. I mean maybe the marrying part is but teens and an alarming numer of pre teens do have sex in the UK and America.

    Gods law hence is for eternity.
    Your argument is on a different track than mine. The people i was addressing are muslim women themselves. I can’t explain to you why your christian or other religion wife should stay at home or raise the kids. My argument is with the muslim women who go off to work, leaving their kids with sitters or who ever, who focus soo little on religion that it has now because almost non existent in their lives. Or worse has become what they want it to be. take the example of the 15 yr old who prays but drinks, or the fifteen year old who doesn’t pray but doesn’t drink. neither is in the norms shariah prescribed.

    • Trust me, I did not miss the points of your argument.

      “Slavery was the norm then but the messenger of Allah made provisions that one day it would be abolished.”

      That is exactly what I mean. It basically amounted to: “I am allowed to do it—now. But when my time is past, it will be disallowed.”

      And all the rest, eg. “I have more than 4 wifes because…”; “I am the last prophet; no more after me.” etc.

      I don’t care “how a slave came to be”. So what if slaves came from war captives. Are you saying that God says ok to make your war captives slaves? Think about it. Does that sound like God to you, faith aside? Prisoners of war and slaves are two different things, even if you want to say they are the same.

      “As of right now for all intents and purposes slavery is non existent in islam today.”

      That is because, thankfully, Islam still can’t control the world. But if they can, you’d be surprised how some Muslims would revive slavery! You just need a couple of those so-called Islamic Scholars to proclaim that it’s allowed in the Quran, and you will see how quickly slavery will become fashionable.

      “Your argument is on a different track than mine. The people i was addressing are muslim women themselves… My argument is with the muslim women who go off to work…”

      No, my argument was not “on a different track.” My argument was from the general point of view. Why should only women, Muslim or otherwise, be the ones to raise the kids? Marriage is after all a partnership. Responsibilities should logically be divided in such a way that can result in the best outcomes in terms of household income, harmony etc in the family. I don’t believe that only women are qualified to instill religious inclinations in the children.

  7. @ cairolusakaamsterdam…
    Islam isn’t the only religion that is based on “blind” faith. Blind because we have not seen God, or the angels in their true form, or even shaytaan. All faiths that lead back to Allah were based on a certain amount of unknown. Yes signs were revealed.. like the splitting of the moon or the history of yusuf AS or even that rome would win the war in a few years. If you actually look at it from a muslim perspective faith is blind only to the extent we haven’t seen God.
    Again nothing wrong with thinking in religion if you know what to think. As i stated earlier the context we take the Qur’an from is what the Prophet AS explained. If it was based on self interpretation then the arabs of the time wouldn’t need a prophet, they’d just be handed a book from heaven. It wasn’t even like the community was ignorant, they were scholars, theirs was a language they took pride in to such an extent that all other languages were considered inferior by them.

    @ cornelius: you missed the point again. the main point anyway. Your argument is with belief. Why should i believe? not so much who but why. Once you understand the why you won’t question the who.

    Prisoners of war were made into slaves in all societies across the globe, be it muslim or otherwise, at the time of Muhammad SAw. To abolish the practice laws were set up such that the people out of their own hearts decided to free slaves.Once a slave was freed be he muslim or non muslim he couldn’t be made a slave again. These laws created respect for the slave and in the eyes of muslims as a way to please their lord a means to end a bad system. Like i said Allah SWT is Just and All knowing. this was the best way to abolish slavery. (unlike the war between the confederates and the union?) Yes i am saying it is okay to make your war captives slaves if the war is fought between darul islam (muslim) and darul harb (non muslim). But as of now no darul islam exists as no country meets the requirements set by shariah.

    Your argument that thankfully because islam doesn’t control the world is odd. ISlam has very specific instructions for war. I will list few: we can’t attack until provoked. If we do attack three days have to be given to reach an agreement or pact to avoid war. We cannot uproot trees or in anyway destroy the environment. We cannot kill women and children, meaning war has to be fought in a location away from civilians.
    As opposed to wars fought today… look at the most recent war where the west decided its moral system works everywhere and attacked a country that didn’t threaten it. They managed to displace millions of families, lead the country into further violence and turmoil, and killed many many women and children. This war has left permanent sectarian scars.
    Look at the recent war in gaza. Heck forget wars with muslims, look at some prominent christians who may not have fought in the name of religion but still fought, the holocaust being a prominent example. i have one even closer to home where the british decided they were superior and enslaved my country for a long time and while leaving decided to split it down between sectarian lines. The hatred that they created between a previously harmonious community still exists to this day. Pakistan and india.
    Or go back to not very long ago where slaves were “captured” from africa and treated worse that animals by the west.
    See at least in islam even slaves had rights, the west in its slavery days didn’t even grant that provision till very recently. What was it the 50’s 60’s?

    Your argument might have been from a general point of view but like i said i was addressing a specific group of people. I was commenting based on shariah, a collection of laws you don’t follow hence it would make no sense to you. i can go ahead and explain why from a shariah aspect the best outcome for a family is for a woman to raise her children but you’d miss the point again, because you don’t follow the shariah so…?

    • “Prisoners of war were made into slaves in all societies across the globe, be it muslim or otherwise, at the time of Muhammad SAw.”

      I did not say otherwise. But I was just giving an example of a questionable content of a holy book. If that same provision is also found in the Bible or any other holy books, I would criticise them the same way too.

      “Yes i am saying it is okay to make your war captives slaves if the war is fought between darul islam (muslim) and darul harb (non muslim).”

      Are you trying to imply that non-Muslims are more deserving to be slaves, whereas the Muslims are above the rest and can’t become slaves?

      “If we do attack three days have to be given to reach an agreement or pact to avoid war. We cannot uproot trees or in anyway destroy the environment. We cannot kill women and children, meaning war has to be fought in a location away from civilians.”

      Although I wasn’t there in New York on Sept 11, I believe quite more than just trees were uprooted that day. The entire twin tower came down to the ground, and many, many women and children were killed. So much for fighting “in a location away from the civilians”.

      I’m not trying to defend the Christians or other religions. As I said from the beginning, I don’t consider myself a Christian. Slavery, for example, is wrong, no matter by which religion. But of course to the Muslims, they can enslave the non-Muslims, but not the other way round.

      “See at least in islam even slaves had rights…”

      So what? A slave is a slave. I can provide you 3 square meals; I can give you a miserable living condition; I can give you some other minor “rights”, but you will still be my slave. How would you like to be my slave?

      But yes, you are right, I don’t follow your shariah. I rely more on common sense and logic.

      • Cornelius I don’t think your reference to 9/11 is fair, if I understood it correctly. Required was referring to actual wars inflicted by nations, not a terrorist act that most Muslims were against. It’s a bit insulting to mesh the two together.

  8. @ cornelius
    i get the feeling you like to do selective reading. so let me restate
    “To abolish the practice laws were set up such that the people out of their own hearts decided to free slaves.Once a slave was freed be he muslim or non muslim he couldn’t be made a slave again. These laws created respect for the slave and in the eyes of muslims as a way to please their lord a means to end a bad system. Like i said Allah SWT is Just and All knowing. this was the best way to abolish slavery.”

    please dont twist my words. Just because a system became obsolete because conditions weren’t met doesn’t mean if the conditions were met it wouldn’t apply again, thats what religious law works like. I can’t say something is forbidden if it isn’t, i would be contradicting religion and giving it my spin.

    911 wasn’t war by any nation. It was a bunch of people who decided to attack a country because they were fed up with western interference. we call that terrorism The twin towers contained just as many muslims in them when they burned down. Again war requires two sides an announcement of war and the conditions i mentioned above.

    You want a war which had nothing to do with religion, where man just used his head? world war one where 8 million were killed, 7 million permanantely disabled,15 million seriously injured. hiroshima and nagasaki point out anything to you?

    There was never anything in islam that said muslims cannot be enslaved. Like i said society then was such that it was be enslaved or enslave during war. to abolish the practice laws were set such that the people from their own hearts decided to free slaves to please their Lord.

    Again it was not optional to be a slave. Not only were they granted food and clothes but also the option to pay for their own freedom. Living conditions had to be provided and humane treatement was required. Tell me what other society offered that then or now?

    I love how common sense and logic are causing all sorts of problems now. broken families and single mothers and fathers that don’t care. Children with a wide array of psychological problems. Of mass murders and continued crime offenses. of greed leading to death. Of kids not caring about their parents once they hit old age, or giving them any respect to begin with.of wars being fought in the name of liberty but with profit underlying it. of rapes happening every eight minutes. Of womens bodies now being used to sell products (so respectful).of drunk driving accidents so common, or of the addicts raising such stable children that form the backbone of society, Of rampant prostitution etc…yes you are right common sense and logic make more sense…. i think its best i stick with shariah.

    • required,

      I think it’s best that I refrain from prolonging this debate; it has been interesting to say the least. But I better stop before the blog owner decides to ban me from commenting (smile); or someone starts putting a price on my head for speaking the truth.

      Before I do that, let me just tell you not to lose hope on common sense and logic, my friend. I’m not sure of your definitions of “common sense” and “logic”, but let me assure you that I’ve been living my life based on common sense and logic, and so far, God willing, I have not committed any murder. I have not fought wars for the sake of greed; raped women or used their bodies to sell products. I don’t drink liquor (not even beer), I don’t fool around with prostitutes—never!

      The point is, people who commit all those wrongs you have mentioned above, do all those things specifically because they’re not using common sense and logic!

      But I can name several people who I know personally, who claim guidance by the shariah, who frequently visit the prostitutes and keep mistresses. But again, they do those things mainly because they’re not adhering to the shariah!

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Have a good day.

      • You do bring up a good point re. common sense and logic. While I wouldn’t say that following Islam means ignoring common sense and logic, I do find it problematic when religious people assume that religion is the only source of morality, and that non-religious people must by extension be immoral. I also find the opposite argument annoying – that people who draw morality from religion are irrational or backwards.

    • “I love how common sense and logic are causing all sorts of problems now. broken families and single mothers and fathers that don’t care. Children with a wide array of psychological problems. Of mass murders and continued crime offenses. of greed leading to death. Of kids not caring about their parents once they hit old age, or giving them any respect to begin with.of wars being fought in the name of liberty but with profit underlying it. of rapes happening every eight minutes. Of womens bodies now being used to sell products (so respectful).of drunk driving accidents so common, or of the addicts raising such stable children that form the backbone of society, Of rampant prostitution etc…yes you are right common sense and logic make more sense…. i think its best i stick with shariah.”

      This entire paragraph is simplistic thinking. Every country has it’s cultural defects. This is not an issue of religion, as you seem to be claiming. We could pull out a long list of ills and cultural misgivings of a nation under shariah law also, does that mean I should “stick with secularism?” Your statement is rather prejudice, and ignorant, if you ask me.

  9. @Cairo-great post MashAllah!
    @Cornelius-well done!
    @Required-you live in black and white world of your own.You and ppl like you should be educated what true measage of Islam is.It is not enough to read few books and come to web and play cleaver.Woman,you dont have clue what are you talking about.Best thing for you is to stay at home tied up to kitchen sink bcs.here you are not required.Sad woman you are.

  10. See but heres the thing, i actually do make an effort to make it a black and white world. There is shariah and their is our own definitions to shariah. Nothing about shariah goes against common sense and logic. If most people would actually make the effort to study the religion, and no i don’t mean on their own, they’d realize this.

    My original post made two things clear. 1) where the religion is supposed to be learned from and 2) the crowd i was addressing i.e muslim women.

    The assumptions made here that a) i must be some nut who read a few books and took up some zealous over traditional version of islam and i must live in a shell is incorrect. b) that i decided self study in religion and i must have read a whole of two books to pass this commentary… ??

    I live in a muslim society in the US and for the most part i watch from the outside as society around me literally crumbles. I watch generations of muslims walking together and i can see the disappearance of islam from them physically. while one will be in a jilbab the mother will be in a hijab only and the daughter will be in really inappropriate western clothes. We absorb the society we live in instead of adhering to our own culture of islam. Instead of contributing from our culture we take up others culture. with the evil i mentioned, yes it is present in every society but you will not find shariah compliant societies with half these problems. But then again even those societies are fast disappearing.

    Look all i wanted to highlight was we as muslims and specifically as muslim women are stepping so far away from the shariah that it might be about time we came back. There is beauty in sunnah and a woman is after all the first school for her child. She even manages to convince her husband of so many things. IT is time we make use of the tools Allah provided us.

    In the End Allah Taala known best. If i mentioned anything that hurt anyone please forgive me.

  11. @ sarah:
    I am sorry but i don’t think you actually contributed anything positive to this discussion. You asking me to stay at home tied up to my kitchen sink implies many things. that women who stay at home are backwards? or uneducated? or shouldn’t speak up when they see something wrong? please don’t insult me. I am educated enough to know how to hold a conversation and carry it. I don’t insult people to get my point across.
    my mother worked, and honest to god i hated it. Even as a child i knew i’d never be that mom. Women who work don’t have as much time for their kids. that might be my bias but it is also my experience. i feel, now that i myself am a mom, alot of things mothers should have taught their kids were NOt taught to me. and this wasn’t just my experience but also my friends who had working mothers. So i CHOSE to stay at home “tied to my sink”, to raise my family. My roles are plenty from housekeeping, to accountant to manager to counselor to teacher… you name it. Its a tough job and i take it seriously.
    You are absolutely no feminist. this is my biggest problem with people like you. who the heck do you expect to raise any kids you have? if you don’t give them time … forget it. whatever your problem.

  12. I dont think you know what are you talking about at all.
    You are mixing things-must likely bcs.you are self confused.
    You sound like somwhone who has been brain washed by certain religious TV channells.Your problem with your mother,has nothing to do with religion or lack of it as you said-your problem is lack of attention,which lacked as a child as you said; and now you are on the web preaching your view on Islam,which in my book Radical view.

    “So here we find the order, First the Quran then the sunnah, but we are incapable of doing ijtihad because we dont have enough knowledge.”

    Last sentence is so stupid that lead me to think if you at all are healthy pearson.
    Second: It is clear example of brainwashing method and way to keep ppl or group under the thumb.
    Above in your comments,you have many sentences which are sadly nowadays
    pouring in too homes across the West and the rest of the world,and which is narrow,radical,stupid,and profound.
    And you are the victim of it.The funniest thing about it, is that you don’t even know that you are the victim.

  13. Uhhh, i know this isnt my blog. But can we please have a respectful debate? Intellectual conversation please, not insults.

  14. wow okay so asking the first tme nicely not to insult me obiously isn’t working so let me point out your insults first:
    1) “You sound like somwhone who has been brain washed by certain religious TV channells”
    don’t make assumptions on what kind of person i am. Honey i don’t even own a TV. I made sure to make it clear how i attain religious knowledge. I follow authentic scholars, and i make a conscious effort to learn the ilm. again don’t make assumptions about my person.
    2) “Your problem with your mother,has nothing to do with religion or lack of it as you said-your problem is lack of attention,which lacked as a child as you said;”
    No my problem was my mom didn’t teach me the quran but delegated it to someone else. She didn’t explain to me the fiqh of mensutration, or the method to pay zakat or other detailed issues of islam. Because she herself didn’t learn it till a later age, but these should have been things mothers teach their kids. Again please refrain from analyzing me.
    3) “now you are on the web preaching your view on Islam,which in my book Radical view”
    Its like impossible not to be judged by you isn’t it?
    i could say the same about you right? but i wont because i don’t think it is appropriate to judge a person i barely know.
    4)” Last sentence is so stupid that lead me to think if you at all are healthy pearson.”
    I gave evidence from the Qur’an which most ulema agree with both men and women. Your inability to comprehend the daleel is not my problem.Instead of giving me a counter argument you instead want to use words like “stupid” and “unhealthy”.

    from my conversation with you i realize that you are a person where a civil conversation will just not happen. While i could sit here till the end of time proving you wrong using just the Quran and sunnah honestly i don’t think it’d make a difference.

    let me end by saying that while i understand there might be cultural differences between having conversations please refrain from name calling and label attaching. To be taken seriously you really do need to be able to have a more civil conversation. even if our views differ we should respect it and just agree to disagree politely.

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